One of the biggest things I struggled with growing up is confidence. I know I'm not the only one out there. I didn’t believe I was beautiful probably up until the spring semester of my freshman year of college. When I say I don't believe I’m beautiful, I legit have a hard time taking the simple compliment, “you are so beautiful”. I would just shrug it off because when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t feel/see what others saw. I saw a really sensitive meh girl. I realize that if I didn’t grow the confidence in myself, I wouldn’t be able to be confident in anything I do. I even got a tattoo on my right forearm that says “beautiful”, so when I look down I remind myself of who I am.
I don’t believe it was anything exactly that made me feel that way. I think I just was born with no confidence and if I wasn’t so loud I wouldn’t have been able to stick up for myself against the world. I didn’t realize how important it is to have confidence until I got older and started seeing myself affect others and my self-worth. I was getting to a point where nothing I wore made me feel uncomfortable, I was constantly putting myself down, and being so sensitive to people's words. This is not a way to live, this is not a way to feel.
I’m teaching myself to put myself first because you can’t expect no one else to or you shouldn’t put someone in front of yourself. People fail to understand having confidence is more than just a word, it;s a mindset, it’s seeing your best self. I’m gaining my confidence by believing and trusting myself that I'm capable of what I thought was impossible. I involve myself in anything that makes me happy and I'm not scared to ask for what I want.
Someone came up to me and told me that Diaries of a Mf City Girl is confidence, it’s something they can’t see themself doing because they are so scared speaking and hearing what people have to say back. And I told her about how much confidence changes people. And when you start to love yourself and show the world that, the world loves you back.
Love yourself, you are so beautiful and if you forget, look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I am beautiful, I am her”
Mf City Girl